How to be an Effective Picky Dater

Recently I did a tarot reading for a woman who wanted to find the one but was afraid of being closed minded. In her own words she told me “I have never dated or had a boyfriend. I would like to find THE ONE, like…soon. My friends say I’m too picky though.” I think this is a message a lot of us hear when we’re looking for someone to share our lives with. There are ways to be effective in looking for a partner, while also keeping your standards and being “picky”.

You should be picky about who you allow in your space

You get to decide where you spend your time and who you welcome around you. If someone drops into your DM’s saying all the right things. You do not owe them a response. It could simply be that you don’t like the shoes he’s wearing in a picture from 43 weeks ago. That is your prerogative, especially if they’re Crocs. Dating is intimate, and there are a million reasons to not let just anyone in. You’re busy, ambitious, and rad. You don’t owe every person who’s interested your attention. You don’t have to feel guilty if you feel Croc dude doesn’t fit into your ideal life.

How can you be effective with your eyes closed

Your friends aren’t actually saying that you’re too picky. They’re saying they can see you’re not willing to get know anyone. Say 12 guys ask for your number at a party. Your friends watch you wrinkle your nose at each one. Then, you sadly ask, “why can’t I just find the one and get married?”. Though they love you, they are tired of hearing the complaint. You do get to be picky, but you do not get to complain if you are also not trying. If you believe THE ONE should appear suddenly with 5 dozen roses, with no reciprocal effort on your part, then you’re doing yourself a grave disservice.

If you’re hearing that you’re “too picky” you should evaluate your willingness to let in love. Is it possible that you’re happier alone, but you like the idea of love? Maybe you’re not actually ready to be vulnerable with someone. Could you have trauma or patterns to overcome before you can give your all to a romantic partner?

How will you know THE ONE?!

How will you know THE ONE if you don’t know what you’re looking for in romantic relationships. The only man Cinderella met before the prince was her dad, so she didn’t have a lot to go off of. However, what if the prince hates vegetables, farts in bed, yells at the tv at inappropriate times, and thinks motor-boating is foreplay? Cinderella doesn’t have any other options, but you absolutely do.

When a handsome and charming person asks to take you out, you may not know that he only drinks Mountain Dew. You have to date him (briefly) to find that out. Inability to drink water is probably disqualifying, but you may note that you love the way he opens doors. You may think his sense of humor is your kind of abnormal. Next time you go on a date you know to look out for open doors and a special blend of awkward jokes. Perhaps another person is good for a while but once you eventually realize he sleeps in Dracula pose. It freaks you out so no matter how much you like his cooking you leave, adding cooking and no vampires to your desire list.

Use your time, energy, and manifestations wisely. You cannot realistically get married without dating a little. You won’t like all of them but get clear on your expectations and needs so you can actually recognize the viable candidates. Most importantly, stop complaining, nobody is trying to hear it. Being sad about what you don’t have is not an effective way to manifest. In order to be properly picky in dating, you need to focus on getting to know yourself, your desires, and what needs healed. These are the kind of things you can turn into intentions.

While you’re sewing yourself a new date outfit for your journey of intentional sewing, think about what kind of partner will fit into your ideal life. Imagine how you’ll recognize them and how you’ll feel in their presence. If you know how to be a picky dater, and know yourself, you’re well on your way to creating the life you dream of.